"Ello there. I am just a shoe. Just a humble slipper. My home is in a closet in Chipping Norton, England. I am rarely worn, only used for Sunday morning drives to the Shoppes. It is a pain, really. Gas, clutch, brake. I get incredibly disoriented; then before you know it, I am mashed into the carpet, traveling at warp speed. My master is Jeremy Clarkson. He is of the fame of Top Gear. I have never attended the show, which is quite a drag. However, living with this wonderful man is quite glorious. However, his closet is dark and smelly.
I do, however, appreciate him. He rescued me from those idiots in Foot Locker. With all of those flashy, high-topped basketball shoes and all of those “cool kids” buying those stupid flat brimmed hats. He treats me with absolute kindness, I am always by his bedside, ready and waiting.
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